


the (not so) calm before the storm

by sweetheartshumjr



Series: the (not so) calm before the storm [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Good Friend, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers, i might have gone a little overboard though, post-putting others first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:55:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24057838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetheartshumjr/pseuds/sweetheartshumjr
Summary: He was the Prince! But was he really?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Series: the (not so) calm before the storm [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1739815
Comments: 20
Kudos: 173





	the (not so) calm before the storm

The wind was blowing hard outside the window. The rain was pouring even harder, almost muffling the sound of the soft piano melody that was filling the room.

In the middle of it there was a bed. A bed, that could easily fit in two grown men. It was a bed, that would certainly be worthy of a ... 

"Prince" scoffed Roman.

He was sitting just at the very edge of it. In his hands was the red sash that he would so proudly wore everyday. But not today. Not after everything that has happened.

Patton... Could be wrong. De... _JANUS_ was a person who was worthy of trust, of all things sacred! The literal embodiment of lies!

_Careful Roman. If it weren't for the moustache I wouldn't know who the evil twin is._

Roman squeezed his eyes tighter, feeling the tears that began to once again fall down from his face.

_Let's move on to something we're both familiar with, Roman. Mistakes._

He has made a mistake. A huge mistake that had cost Thomas his happiness...

_... and mental health points._

Roman groaned, falling back on the bed. Since he has sunk out, the snake's voice couldn't leave his head.

He hated Dec... Janus. Hated him so much. For manipulating him from the get go, for bringing up his confidence just to crush it down, but most of all...

For sounding so RIGHT.

Roman wiped his face angrily with his sleeve and looked at his sash.

To most people it was just a simple accessory. A decoration, a pop of colour that would stand out from his white robes. Not so quite for Roman. He always thought of it as a clear sign of his prince-like status. And what are the main principles of being a prince?

To be just. Kind. Approachable. Morally good. Selfless. Brave. Strong. Noble. Loved by everyone.

 _Am I worthy to still be the Prince that Thomas wants me to be?_ Roman wondered, nervously ruffing his hair.

He tried to be just during the trail. He tried so much. But it looked like it wasn't enough. He hated to admit that, but Janus was right. The decision he made that day served literally no-one. Especially not Thomas.

Kind? No, definitely no. He laughed at Janus' name. Roman mentally cringed at the memory of it. That wasn't kind, but cruel. And it was the same mistake that he did with... Right, next.

Approachable. Yes, that he still was. If Thomas or the others needed him he would still appear, no matter how he would feel.

He couldn't help but scoff. The ugly feeling inside of him, that appeared during the video grew stronger, making him feel cold.

Wasn't the whole point of the video to also take care of one's mental health before helping others? And what was his advice worth anyway? It's not like anyone would listen to him...

Morally good. No. They did talk about it a LOT today. If he'd spared it one more thought he would explode.

Selfless. He _tried_ to be. He tried to be so hard that he actually hurt everyone.

Roman jumped at the realization.

 _He_ has hurt Thomas. The very person he has sworn to protect. He did that. _His actions_ did that.

The feeling grew stronger.

The creative side clutched the sash tighter, looking at it, as it would hold the explanations, reassurances he needed. He started to breathe quicker, as he continued down the list.

Brave and strong. Yeah, in the Imagination he was. But that's all it was. Imagination. It was relatively easy to fight with the dragon witch, because he knew he was ought to win. There was simply no other option. But in the real life? During the confrontation with any other of the sides? He would lash out out of fear of being mistaken. That isn't real strength. The imaginary battles served absolutely no one if they didn't pay off in real life. They were purposeless.

The tears fell again, staining the sash. The only sound that was coming to Roman has been his own frantic breathing. He couldn't stop thinking.

Noble.

_I was actually impressed with you. You made such a NOBLE sacrifice._

Frustrated he covered his ears.

"Get out of my head!" he yelled, choking on his tears.

Loved by everyone.

_We love you._

No.

No they don't.

And that's when the tame broke. Roman curled inside himself, crying. He dropped the sash and clutched his hair in a death grip.

What is right? What is good? What is kind? What is just?

He's the _prince_ , for god's sake! He should know!

But he didn't. He didn't. And that terrified him.

Suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe. Absolutely no air was entering his lungs. He started to choke.

Instinctively he brought a hand over his chest, as he fought, he fought for one gulp of air to enter, so he could stop, but he couldn't, he couldn't, he...

Suddenly a hand landed on his shoulder. Startled he tore his eyes from his knees and looked up... Right into Virgil's worried glance.

"Ro," he said gently "calm down. Everything's okay."

It's not! Can't he see?!

Seeing as he started to choke again, Virgil swiftly tore Roman's hand from his clammy chest to his warm one.

"Roman" he said, without breaking the eye contact. "Breathe. Just like I do now. In."

Under his fingers, Roman could feel how Virgil's chest rose and heard how the anxious side slowly drew his breath through his nose. He tried to mimic that, but the movement caused him only to cough.

Vigil sent him a weak smile.

"Try again" he prompted, with a still gentle voice.

Seeing his earnest glance Roman tried again. This time no coughing. The precious, precious air, finally filled his lungs. He closed his eyes.

"Out" he heard Virgil saying. He did just that.

They sat there, just breathing, until Roman felt calmer. But then the shame came. Suddenly he felt very stupid. Some prince he was, to break down just like that! He tried to scoot himself back, but Virgil's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Ro?"

That damn tone again.

Virgil was never THAT gentle. What has Roman even done to deserve that?! He has hurt Virgil in the past, so what on Cinderella's glass slipper has he done to deserve that?!

"W- what..." he managed to croak and then coughed. His throat was dry. Probably because of all of that needless panicking. "What are you doing here?" he finally said, avoiding Virgil's eyes.

He heard a sigh.

"Well... I kinda heard what has happened and sensed that you're anxious so..."

Roman shook his head in a silent disbelief. So Virgil knew what happened. Why was he with him? Shouldn't he... Take care of Patton? He was much more important than him.

"I don't need pity" he muttered. The hand on his shoulder gripped him a bit tighter.

"I don't pity you, Princey"

He couldn't help but flinch at the familiar nickname. Princey. Yeah. Sure.

If Virgil noticed the flinch he didn't mention it. He seemingly decided to just continue.

"I actually wanted to tell you something."

Roman completely froze. He felt his anxiety spike. He clutched helplessly at the cover of the bed, waiting.

"There is but one essential justice which cements society, and one law which enables justice. This law is the right reason, which is the true rule of all commandments and prohibitions. Whoever neglects this law, whether written or unwritten, is necessarily unjust and wicked."

Roman blinked and dared to look at Virgil. He anxiously run his hand through his hair.

"I don't understand" he whispered, looking at the other side with glassy eyes. Virgil looked like he wanted to chuckle, but thought the better of it.

"What I mean is, Sir Singalot" he began, scooting closer to Roman. The creative side felt himself relax, a little bit. "Is that you had a right reason when you chose to decide to go to the wedding. You heard us all, and..." he chewed on his lip. "...and even though we all... Pressured you, you did what you thought was best for Thomas. You did that, because you felt it was okay. You didn't do that just to spite someone. You couldn't have predicted what would happen. No-one could. Beating yourself over that won't do you any good, trust me."

Roman sighed. Deeply.

"You see, I kinda know that" he said, again avoiding looking at Virgil. "But also... It's not why I am so upset."

"Is it because of Deceit?" he heard Virgil say.

He scoffed, staring at the wall in front of him.

"Of course it is" he muttered angrily.

_Because Roman would make ya sick._

His brother's voice rang in his head. Roman pressed his lips, trying to stop his tears from falling.

Silence fell over the two of them.

_I wouldn't know who the evil twin is._

If Patton can be wrong... Then whose to say that Roman actually is the good twin? He had listed all of the principles of the prince and... And he couldn't fit in almost any of them! Whose to say that Remus of all people didn't have all of those in him? Maybe he should take the wheel? Maybe Roman should simply...

"Virgil?" he whispered.

"Hm?"

"How did you duck out?"

Virgil immediately sat up.

"What?" he asked.

Roman winced, hearing how terrified his voice sounded. Great. He's on a good way to hurt yet another person. But he had to know!

"How did you duck out?" he repeated, quietly this time.

He felt as Virgil hands turned his head, so that he could face him. And he immediately wished he didn't.

Virgil looked... Worried. Terrified out of his mind. And above all of that he looked...

_Great Roman. You did it. You managed to hurt the last person in this fucking household!_

"Roman" Virgil said, his voice actually wavering, full of emotions. What emotions, Roman couldn't say.

"You... You don't actually..." Roman hung his head, feeling the tears welling in his eyes yet again.

"Roman" Virgil repeated with a panicky note in his voice. "Promise me, promise you don't..."

"I DON'T KNOW!" he snapped, breaking from Virgil's hold. Angry tears started to fall down from his face. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Patton can be wrong Virgil! And it was HIM that said I'm the good one! But if he's wrong then whose to say I am not bad?! If Deciet's a good guy now, then everything's... _Everyone_ can be bad! _I_ can be bad!" he yelled.

Virgil just started blankly at him, clearly at loss as to what to do. Roman laughed hysterically. At that moment, what he said hit him with a full force of it.

I can be the bad one. He slumped down on the bed.

"I can be the bad one" he repeated with an empty voice.

And then he covered his eyes and started to openly weep. Just a moment later he felt a pair of arms pulling him in. His head fell on a chest and be couldn't do anything other than just clutch to the fabric of the black hoodie and cry his eyes out. He felt as Virgil started to gently rock them, trying to calm him down.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that. It honestly didn't matter to him. But at the end of it he just felt... Numb. Numb and so, so tired, mostly because of the crying. Virgil was still holding him, gently stroking his back, which made Roman kind of sleepy. He closed his eyes. _Just for a second_ , he thought to himself. They've just established that it's actually _good_ to be _selfish_ anyway and...

He drifted off.

Virgil sighed, as he felt Roman relaxing.

Logan actually filled him in earlier, and what the logical side didn't tell him, a very worried Patton did. And Virgil. Was. Furious.

Not only Janus was accepted. But he also made Roman and Patton feel like absolute shit. So he went to Roman's room. Patton told him, that he actually wanted to do it, but Virgil just gritted through his teeth, that maybe it's best he'd do it.

As it turned out, it was the right thing to do. Virgil honestly didn't want to think how the conversation would have gone if Patton were the one who would tried to comfort Roman. Fuck, he himself wasn't sure if he actually did a better job, but at least Roman was resting.

He carefully untangled himself from the Prince and as quietly as he could tucked him in.

Leaving the bed he noticed a red cloth lying on the floor. He took it and covered his mouth to muffle to gasp that escaped him when he noticed it was actually Roman's sash. How bad did Roman feel to just abandon one of his favourite accessories like that? Virgil didn't know. But that was a conversation for another day. Roman needed to rest.

So he folded the sash and laid it on the nightstand, feeling absolutely tired. They had to fix that. Fast.

As he was about to leave when a realization struck him. He turned around and looked at Roman's sleeping form.

_How did you duck out?_

_Promise me..._

Roman didn't promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my girst fic for the Sanders Sides fandom so I am acyually pretty nervous about how this one went. But I hope you liked it!  
> Come and yell at me on tumblr @suibianichen


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